Out with Old.... In with New - 5 Superpowers to a growth mindset!

In my coaching practice I am fortunate to work with leaders at all levels and occupations. Most recently I have worked with local parent groups to help them guide their teens through the emotional, confusing and ever-changing life that we live in.

In most of the conversations in my practice - whether with teens, parents or business leaders - it often boils down to habits that we have accepted as part of our personality that no longer serve us and get in the way of how we want to be. Sometimes we think we need to completely shift our style to meet the new expectations and other times we think our old ways work just fine and others need to adapt to us. In most situations, I find that that it is adapting what we know - not tossing it out completely, that is the most effective way to manage the new challenges we are faced with. If we look at how our kids learned through their lives, it was through a sense of wonder and trying things, they ( like us) were not given everything they needed and had to develop each skill by layering new skills on top of those they already had. This is especially true of learning to connect with others and solve problems. How we connect with our kids is different than how we connect with our teens and that is different than how we connect with people at work. In each new situation we need to learn to adapt in order to achieve what we desire in each situation.

Breaking Free of Ruts:

Often in our work and personal lives we get stuck in ruts using tools that have worked for us in the past but are no longer getting the same results now. When we run into these situations we can either say that it is our personality trait and we can't change, or we can explore ways we can adapt to the new needs of a relationship or situation so that we can continue to grow and thrive. In either choice, we will be right. Our mindset will determine if we are able to shift and get different results.

This makes me think of the work of Carol Dweck in growth mindset. According to Dweck, when we approach situations with a mindset that is fixed "people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. In these situations they spend their time documenting their talent or intelligence rather than developing them." (Dweck, 2015). This may work for a time but as our world becomes more complex we often find ourselves in situations where our past tool box no longer contains the tools that we need in our present situation. In a fixed mindset, we would stop at this point and give in because there is nothing we can do to change. We see the trait of our personality as set and so we are helpless to change. In this case we become the victim of our circumstances.

Fortunately, the work of Dweck challenges this and introduces the concept of the growth mindset. In growth mindset "people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work" (Dweck, 2015). Our minds are constantly adapting to the situations we are faced. If we allow ourselves to focus on what can be learned and what we need to shift to adapt to our changing situations, then we can grow and learn new skills that will help us continue to shift our thinking and grow our toolbox as our situations calls for new ways to do things. What worked for us in the past may no longer work. Sometimes we need to learn a completely new skill set and other times we may need to tweak what we already know to achieve the success in the challenges we are facing today. It is this flexibility and shift in perspective that is built into our brains but we often override when we live in the boundaries of a fixed mindset. This is foundation of the resiliency work that I focus on in my coaching practice.

Our brains are so intricately made that we are constantly able to shift our thinking and our actions if we allow ourselves to come at our issues from a learning rather than a fixed mindset. It sounds like a great way to be, but how do we adapt when our current toolkit is no longer serving us?

5 Superpowers for a Growth Mindset:

Power of Yet:

One of the cornerstones of the growth mindset is to not get hung up on what you don't know, and allowing it to limit you. Rather it is using what you don't know to learn more about it and add new tools to your toolbox to help you grow to your next level. It is about looking at challlenges as an opportunity to try something new and build on our existing tools to be even stronger in the future.

Power of Curiosity:

Curiosity is about trying to understand the perspective of the situation or another person without trying to convince them you are right. It is about asking questions that will help you understand what you are missing and then adding that to your perspective so you have a more complete understanding of the situation and the different perspectives within it.

Power of Grace:

This is about giving yourself grace that you don't have the answers to everything and you are willing to learn and adapt. It is being okay with not knowing rather than needing to be seen as the expert in every matter. It is also about extending grace to others in trying to understand their perspective and in being able to share your perspective so all the necessary information can be included in the path that is decided on going forward. It is a balance of asserting your position with the willingness to hear what others also have to say.

Power of Perspective:

This is about being able to hold your own perspective and being willing to hear the perspective of another. It is about being open to collaborating on outcomes and being willing and able to share a collective vision going forward.

Power of Breath:

In any situation when we find the tools we have are not working, it is easy to get caught in the drama of the moment. This is moment of choice - do we get stuck in the rut of our perspective and our existing tool box or are we willing to consider there might be something we have to learn to move forward? If we are willing to consider a growth perspective it will not come without some discomfort. Our old tools may act like ruts in the snow that keep pulling us back to use them. We will need to breathe, remain calm and curious. This will help us to connect with the discomfort so that we can determine what tools will work, what will need to shift and where others will need to help us.

Breathing will calm our mind so we can lean into our discomfort and move through it. It will help us maintain clear thinking and prevent our emotions from highjacking our actions.

Our brains are constantly shifting to the changing needs of our environment. As we grow, our skills adapt to the new challenges we are faced with. It is out choice whether we allow ourselves to grow and learn from our challenges or we continue doing things the fixed way we have always done them. Plants seem to find a way to thrive even when growing up through concrete or the heat of the desert. These superpowers will help you be resilient when you are faced with situations that are also less than ideal and push through them, rather than let them hold you back. It is not a set personality trait that holds us in our ruts, it is our unwillingness to lean into the discomfort and look for ways to grow through our challenges.

Lean into your empowered future!

Be well,

Judy